


i’m so sick of feeling six feet down

by gentlelogic



Series: Sanders Sides Misc. Work [43]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Hatred, Takes place immediately after Putting Others First, There's a happy ending in here somewhere I swear, some thoughts that could be interpreted as suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24005149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentlelogic/pseuds/gentlelogic
Summary: After the events of Putting Others First, Patton and Roman bake.or.Roman needs to be reminded that he is still loved.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Sanders Sides Misc. Work [43]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/906489
Comments: 16
Kudos: 92





	i’m so sick of feeling six feet down

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of emotions about Roman today. This was one of those ideas I had to write quickly or it’d escape me. Of course, spoilers for the latest episode ahead.
> 
> Feedback is always nice.

“Roman?”

Roman pressed his face farther down into his pillow, hoping to muffle the sounds of Patton softly knocking on the door and calling his name. His eyes were sore and dry from crying for a good twenty minutes or so. Which, in his opinion, was quite un-princely of him, but what else was he to do? Bottle it all up like Logan? Pretend it did not exist like Patton? Let it seep out into anger like Virgil?

What did they expect of him? Roman didn’t know. He tried. He tried so hard to be exactly what the others wanted and expected him to be. But he fell short. Time and time again.

“Roman, kiddo. Please open up.”

Roman groaned once more, before standing up. He leaned over the mirror and made an effort to wipe his eyes. They were still red and puffy, but he supposed that would have to do.

He yanked open his door and smiled at Patton. “What is it, Padre?”

“Oh, Roman…” Patton trailed off. He smiled, his eyes still warm and sad. “I just… I—”

“I’m not in the mood to talk,” Roman said, pressing his fingernails into the wood of his door.

Patton shook his head. “I just wanted to know if you wanted to make some brownies with me.”

“I…” Roman swallowed. “Why?”

“I just don’t think it’s good for you to be alone right now.”

Roman deflated. “Oh.”

Patton frowned, reaching a hand out, then dropped it. “What do ya say, buddy?”

“I’ll be down in a minute.”

Patton lit up immediately, like Roman had just flicked a light switch, and jumped up with a clap. “Oh, good! I’ll get the ingredients ready.”

Roman watched Patton sink out, then closed his door with a deep breath. He slipped off his prince costume and changed into a pair of sweatpants a red sweatshirt; then he sank down into the kitchen where Patton was sitting out a bowl and eggs.

“Oh hey, kiddo—” Patton’s eyebrows raised at Roman’s outfit change, but immediately smothered it with another smile. “Wanna get out the vegetable oil?”

Roman nodded. “Are we making icing too?”

“Oh, of course!” Patton winked, cracking one of the eggs into a prep dish, then tossing the shells onto a napkin. “Get out a spoon too, would ya?”

“Sure.” Roman swallowed the weird lump growing in his throat as he opened a drawer and grabbed a green spoon. “I can start mixing the mix and oil.”

“That’s fine by me, kiddo.” Patton grabbed a whisk and began whisking the eggs. “So… uhm, about earlier—”

“I said I didn’t want to talk.”

“Okay; that’s… that’s okay. Quiet’s fine.”

The two continued their work; Roman stirred his mixture and Patton poured the eggs in. Then Roman stirred harder and harder until there were no more clumps and then for some reason his eyes were burning, and his throat was closing and—

“Sweetheart.”

Roman choked out a sob and dropped the spoon into the over-mixed batter. “Patton—”

“It’s _okay_ , Roman—”

“It’s _not_!” Roman shouted.

“Okay, okay… That’s okay,” Patton said, hands up in a placating gesture.

“Let’s get back to work.”

Patton winced. “Kiddo.”

Roman flinched and turned around, grabbing the spoon again and began stirring. Patton sighed from behind him, but grabbed a pan and brought it over. Roman picked up the bowl and tipped it over and the batter spilled easily into the pan. He smoothed it over with the spoon and Patton put it into the oven and set the timer.

“We can start the icing,” Patton said.

“Yeah,” Roman said. He bit his trembling lip. “Patton?”

“Hm?”

Roman couldn’t bear to look into his eyes. “Am I… a villain?” Roman heard a sharp breath and then hands grabbing at his.

“No.”

“Well, why not!” Roman snapped. More tears flowed down his cheek and he jerked a hand up to swipe them away; Patton didn’t let go, merely let his hand be drawn up with Roman’s.

“What… what do you mean?”

“First, nobody sides with Deceit! Except for me. And his side is bad. And then suddenly you’re all siding _with_ him and I’m not and I always seem to be on the bad side. The villain side.”

“Roman, it’s not as simple as a bad side versus a good side or a villain side versus a hero side. Sometimes it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“ _Why_?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes things are just messy and complicated and there’s several different ways to look at it and go about it. And maybe, sometimes, none of them are entirely wrong or right.”

“Why don’t I _get it_? Am I just too stupid to understand?” Roman hiccupped, tears pouring out faster than he could catch them; he stopped bothering and just let them fall.

“Roman.” Roman finally looked up at Patton; he didn’t see any disappointment in his face or frustration like Roman expected. Just something gentle, loving, and concerned. Roman could barely bear it anymore than what he expected. “You’re not stupid. This is some tough stuff.”

“But you seem to get it just fine.”

“I _don’t_ ,” Patton laughed. “I don’t get it all the way or even close to fully. It’s very complicated, Roman. You’re not stupid for not getting it.”

“Deceit gets it. Logan gets it.”

“You think they understand it entirely either? They don’t. I can guarantee it. Nobody can know everything.”

“They know a lot more than me,” Roman said, feeling more like a pouty child than the prince he should have been.

“It’s okay. Nobody loves you any less for that.”

“Yes, you all do! You all _know_.”

“What do we know?” Patton asked, moving his hands so they were gently grasping Roman’s shoulders.

“I’m an idiot. I’m not… I’m not worthy. Of you, of Thomas—of any of you. I should have been left behind with Thomas’s childhood. I’m… out of date.”

“That’s some heavyweight thinking there, kiddo.”

“And what about it? I deserve it.” Roman laughed dryly. “I’m Netflix kids and family. Thomas is an adult. He’s outgrown me. We all know it, Patton.”

“We don’t though. Not me, not anyone else, least of all, Thomas. We love you.”

“How can you keep saying things that are just _not true_?” Roman sneered, even as more tears leaked from his eyes.

Realization dawned in Patton’s eyes. Then: “We love you, Roman.”

“No, you don’t!”

“We do,” Patton said heatedly, his eyes growing shiny. “We love you so much. You are so loved.”

“You can’t love the villain.”

“Well, damnit, Roman, even if you were a villain, we’d love you still.”

Roman startled, eyes wide. “You’re lying,” he breathed.

“I’m not. I love you. And Thomas loves you. We’re not going to stop just because you’ve decided you don’t believe it’s true.”

“I’m not… a lost cause?”

“Oh, kiddo. Never. Never ever _ever_.”

Roman didn’t think it was possible, but he burst into tears again, falling against Patton, who caught him easily, squeezing him tight and pressing little kisses into his hair.

“We love you, Roman. And that’s never gonna change, kiddo. Ever.”


End file.
